Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
