If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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