Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
FUCK WHALES
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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