He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
