i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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