dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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