Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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