I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
