8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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