You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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