Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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