I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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