Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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