I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
