That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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