i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
