My underwear smells like fireworks.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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