god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can't just leave with hair like that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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