just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
