she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize