I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
