i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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