I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
