He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
