i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
