Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
