Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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