I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
