My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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