Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
