Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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