Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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