did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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