dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
