I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
