hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
