bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
