Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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