yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
