I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
operation harelip BJ is a go
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize