i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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