Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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