If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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