Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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