My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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