My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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