It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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