Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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