Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
