this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
