I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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