Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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