I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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