i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
