dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
