That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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