smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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