last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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