If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So much rum. So many feels.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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