anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
