dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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