meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
