We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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