I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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