chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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