i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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