i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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